"The very first temptation in the history of mankind was the temptation to be discontent...that is exactly what discontent(ment) is - a questioning of the goodness of God." - Jerry Bridges
This morning I woke up, sat at my desk with a cup of coffee and stared blearily at my planner, wondering what I was going to blog about this week. Then I noticed...the above quote was printed in the planner for this week in January.
Hmm. Funny "coincidence", since the word I chose to be my word for this year was contentment. I think God is reminding me why I chose that word, and of my commitment to write about it.
I live and breathe this temptation. I have struggled all of my life to simply be content with where and when I am. My discontent lies not so much with things I don't have, but rather a desire to move on to the next thing. I am nearly always planning ahead, and it seems like I am always waiting until...
The life I have lead, both through circumstances beyond my control and through choices I have made, has fostered my sense of discontent with the here and now. I have moved 26 times in my life (that I know of). I attended 3 different high schools. I married young, and was in a hurry to "get on with my life". It seems like I have spent 36 years waiting for the next thing.
How often I forget to stop and live the here and now. I fail to be content with the life God wants me to lead right now. I am so incredibly, beautifully blessed. God has rescued me from so much, and yet I fail to live in that fact.
Reading that quote this morning pricked my heart with shame. I have questioned the goodness of my God. I have told Him with my discontent that His love and grace are not enough for me. I have shrugged off the amazing gifts that He has given me. I take Him for granted. I don't stop and bask in the warmth of today's gift.
So this morning, I stop and thank Him.
My house is full of sleeping girls and a snoozing husband.
We have a roof over our head, and heat to protect us from the cold.
My family has enough to eat.
I have coffee.
I have the privilege to be able to write.
My marriage is strong.
I have my health.
We live in a place where we are surrounded by friends and family.
I have friends both near and far that I have been so lucky to know.
My husband has a job that provides for us and allows him to work from home.
Our house is filled with Bibles, and they aren't illegal.
Jesus Christ redeemed me.
This is the life God has been so gracious to give me.
I will be content in that.